YOU KNOW YOU ARE

are a texan	are a redneck
live in the deep south	are a Hoosier

You Know You Are a Hoosier When........

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going to Kings Island for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in hours.
4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
6. You use a down comforter in the summer.
7. Your grandparents drive @ 65 mph through 13 feet of snow during a blizzard without flinching.
8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
10. It takes you three hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone you know in town.
11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend/wife knows how to use them.
12. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over his snowsuit.
13. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
14. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.
15. You know all four seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, construction.
16. You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your friends in Indiana.

You only know five spices: salt, pepper, Ranch dressing, BBQ Sauce, and ketchup.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over Wranglers and Cowboy Boots.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have more miles on your tractor than your car.
You have 10 favorite recipes for Deer meat.
You've taken your kids trick-or-treating when it was 90 degrees outside.
Driving is better after it's rained because the potholes are filled with mud and you don't have to take those back roads to go "mudding."
You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
You owe more money on your bulldozer than your car.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page 20 but requires 6 pages for local sports.
You can write a check at Dairy Queen for 2 Hunger-Busters and fries.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
Your leaf-blower gets stuck on the roof.
You think the start of Deer season is a national holiday.
You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the coyotes won't prowl
On your deck.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
The major county fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's sausage making.
You find 70 degrees Fahrenheit a little chilly.
The trunk of your car doubles as a sauna.
You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry, and your Cowboy Boots.
You know 4 seasons - Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and Deer Season.
You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your TEXAS friends.

**You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
**You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
**You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
**You can make instant sun tea.
**You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
**The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
**You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
**You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
**You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
**Hot water now comes out of both taps.
**It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
**You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
**You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
**No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
**Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
**You realize that asphalt has a liquid state

> 1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.
3. Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
4. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
5. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
6. You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
7. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
8. Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
9. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
10. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
11. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
12. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
13. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
14. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
15. You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
16. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
17. You've bathed with flea and tick soap.
18. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
19. Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
20. You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.
21. You took a fishing pole to Sea World.
22. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
23. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
24. You have a rag for a gas cap.
25. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
26. Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
27. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
28. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
29. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
30. You can spit without opening your mouth.
31. You consider your license plate personalized because your brother made it.
32. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
33. You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.
34. Your richest relative buys a new house and calls you up to help him take the wheels off.
35. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "CoolWhip" on the side.
36. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
37. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
38. You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler.
39. You've ever used your ironing board as a buffet Table.
40. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
41. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
42. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvement.
43. You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
44. You've asked the preacher "How's it hangin?"Redneck Sex Test
You know your a redneck if you think the following-
45. The clitoris is a type of flower.
46. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit.
47. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird.
48. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack.
49. A menstrual cycle has three wheels.
50. A G-string is part of a fiddle.
51. Semen is a term for sailors.
52. Anus is a Latin term for yearly.
53. Testicles are found on an Octopus.
54. Asphalt describes rectal problems.
55. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati.
56. Masturbate is used to catch large fish.
57. Coitus is a musical instrument.
58. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke.
59. An umbilical chord is part of a parachute.
60. A condom is a large apartment complex.
61. An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir.
62. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.
63. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle.
64. An erection is when Japanese people vote.
65. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.
66. Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass.
67. Pornography is the business of making records.
68. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin.
69. Douche is the French word for "twelve".