~ Smokr's  Top  Ten Top  Ten  Lists ~

Top 10 Things to Say When Caught Sleeping at Your Desk

Top Ten Slogans for Viagra

Top 10 ways to entertain, annoy and pester the ones you love..........

1. Put headphones on them at night while they are sleeping, and subliminally teach them to speak Spanish, play the trumpet, and memorize the hobbies of every world leader..

 3. Stick your head out the window, but forget to open it, so that your head
 crashes through the glass.  Then say, "Silly me," open the window again,
 and try to stick your head through.  Act like you hit your head on 
 something.
 
 4. Get a surfboard.  Put it on your bed.  Stand on it, and pretend to surf
 for about fifteen minutes.  Then, pretend to "wipe out," and fall off the
 bed onto the floor.  Pretend you are drowning until they come over to
 "rescue" you.
 
 5. Keep a hamster as a pet.  Buy a blender, and make milkshakes every day.
 Then, one day, get rid of the hamster.  Make a shake using a lot of ketchup.
 When they come home, look at the shake, look at the empty cage, and
 tell them, "I was curious."
 
 6. Recite "Dr. Seuss" books, all the time.  Eventually, think up melodies
 for the words and sing them, loudly, directly at them.  If they
 tell you to stop, act offended and spend the day in bed.
 
 7. Pack up all of your things and tell them that you're going
 away to "find yourself."  Leave, and come back in about ten minutes. If
 they ask, explain that you're not hard to find.
 
 8. Walk, talk, and dress like a cowboy at all times.  If they
 inquire, tell them, "Don't worry little buckaroo.  You'll be safe
 with me."
 
 9. Every time they fall asleep, wait ten minutes, and then wake
 them up and say, "It's time to go to bed now."
 
 10. Insist that they recite the "Pledge Of Allegiance" with you
 every morning,

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Top Ten Ways to Worry The Ones You Love

 1. Hang a picture of them on the wall.  Throw darts at it. Smile
 at them often, saying things like, "How nice to see you again."
 
 2. Get a can of beans.  Label them, "Jumping beans."  Eat them, and then
 jump around the room.  Get another can of beans.  Label them, "Dancing
 beans." Eat them, and then dance around the room. Get another can of beans.
 Label them, "Killer beans." Eat them, smiling at them the whole while.
 
 3. Every time they fall asleep, wait ten minutes, and then wake
 them up and say, "It's time to go to bed now."
 
 4. Insist that they recite the "Pledge Of Allegiance" with you
 every morning.
 
 5. Recite "Dr. Seuss" books, all the time.  Eventually, think up melodies
 for the words and sing them, loudly, directly at them.  If they
 tell you to stop, act offended and spend the day in bed.
 
 6. Paint abstract paintings, and title them things like,"Lover Dying"
 and "Lover Getting Whacked"
 Comment often about how much you love the paintings.
 
 7. Buy a lava lamp.  Stare at it for hours, imitating its movements with
 your face.  Explain to them that you have established a connection
 with the spirit world through the lava lamp.  Tell them that
 "It will be ok, you will make friends there, soon, very very soon."
 
 8. Keep empty jars on the shelf.  Tell them that this is your
 collection of "inert gases."  Look at them often.  One day, act surprised
 and angered, and accuse them of having released one of the gases.
 Cover your nose and mouth and run out of the room..
 
 9.  Put headphones on them at night while they are  sleeping, and
 subliminally teach them to speak Spanish, play the trumpet, and
 memorize the hobbies of every world leader..
 
 10. Make a brownbag lunch for them every day, then one day, leave an
 empty can of rat poison on the counter next to it, make a show of grabbing 
 "hiding" it in the cabinets, then turn and smile sweetly, and hand them the bag.

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Top 10 Things People Think the 98 in Windows 98 Stands For

1.The year it was DUE to ship
2.The number of MHz required for the operating system to run
3.The number of people who will actually PAY for the upgrade
4.The number of calls to tech support before you can get it to run
5.The number of minutes to install
6.The percentage of existing programs that won't run in the new operating system
7.The number of pages in the "EASY INSTALL" version of the manual
8.The number of megabytes of hard-disc space required
9.The percentage of people who will have to upgrade their hardware
10.The number of floppies it will ship on

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Top Ten Times in History...when using the "F" word was appropriate...

10)"What the FUCK was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima 
9)"Where did all these FUCKING Indians come from?" - Custer
8)"Any FUCKING idiot could understand that." - Einstein
7)"It FUCKING does so look like her!" - Picasso
6)"How the FUCK did you work that out?" - Pythagoras
5)"You want me to paint it on the FUCKING ceiling?" - Michaelangelo
4)"I don't suppose it could FUCKING rain?" - Joan of Arc
3)"Scattered FUCKING showers.......my ass!" - Noah
2)"Aw, c'mon, who the FUCK is going to find out?" - Bill Clinton
1)"I need this parade like I need a FUCKING hole in my head!" - JFK

Thanks to Cinatit and Tom for sending this one, differing versions of course, but thanks guys.

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Top Ten Slogans for Firestone

10) ~ "Whadya mean, 'traction'?"
9) ~ "For when you are tired of that troublesome 'safety' thing"
8)~ "Hey, it's not like we crashed our blimp or something." 
7)~ "You can't recall a better tire."
6)~ "Reinforcing the speed limit." 
5)~ "Pop a set on your car today." 
4)~ "Better than driving around on your axles, right?" 
3)~ "Because there's a lot riding on your lawsuit." 
2)~ "The perfect gift for your mother-in-law." 
1)~ "Safer than a Russian sub."

Thanks to Cinatit, Tom and Dick, they all sent this one the same day!  And again, all slightly differing!!

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Top 10 Things to Say When Caught Sleeping at Your Desk

9.  "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that >time >management course you sent me to."

8.  "Whew!  Guess I left the top off the White-Out.  You probably got >here >just in time!"

7.  "I wasn't sleeping!  I was meditating on the mission statement and >envisioning a new paradigm."

6.  "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5.  "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related >stress.  Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?" 

4.  "Why did you interrupt me?  I had almost figured out a solution to >our >biggest problem."

3.  "The coffee machine is broken..."

2.  "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."

1.  " ...  in Jesus' name.  Amen."

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Top ten Slogans being considered by Viagra.
  10. Viagra, It's "Whaazzzzz Up!"
    9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper
    8. Viagra, Like a rock!
    7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight.
    6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.
    5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
    4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!
    3. Viagra, Tastes great!........., More filling!
    2. Viagra, We bring good things to life!
  And the number one slogan, being considered by Viagra:
    1. This is your penis.........This is your penis on drugs.