95 seconds over 56K  

  MAKES YOU WONDER HOW THESE PEOPLE CAN SURVIVE!!! Here are some true stories of people you hope to soon see in the Darwin Awards.

Submit your stories of idiocy here.

MY IDIOT ENCOUNTER   As for myself, as a computer technician, I was called by a woman who said her credit card was stuck in her computer. When I asked what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number so she was using the ATM "thingy"....  I arrived at her home, a very expensive three story house in an exclusive neighborhood, removed her Discover credit card which was wedged in her her floppy drive and charged her $185 for a replacement floppy drive and labor.............. on her Visa card of course.

Broken Arrow, Oklahoma School officials remove "God Bless America" signs from schools in fear that someone might be offended.

Channel 12 News in Long Island, New York, orders flags removed from the newsroom and red, white, and blue ribbons removed from the lapels of reporters.  Management did not want to appear biased and felt that our nations flag might give the appearance that "they lean one way or another".

Berkeley, California bans U.S. Flags from being displayed on city fire trucks because they didn't want to offend anyone in the community.

In an "act of tolerance" the head of the public library at Florida Gulf Coast University ordered all "Proud to be an American" signs removed so as to not offend international students.

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in
very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need
to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end
of the conversation happened to  mention that she gave her daughter some
ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better
bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away.

Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful
in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float
on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised
them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency
locator beacon which activated when the raft was inflated. They are no
longer employed at Boeing. 

San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a
downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a
stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."   While standing in line, waiting
to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen
him write the note and might call the police before he reached the
teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to
Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to
the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling
errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that
she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank
of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a
Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat
defeated, the man said "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes
later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap
that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead
of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several
days later he received a letter in the mail, which contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and
demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the
cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind
the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as
well, but he refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over
21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to
him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his
driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put
the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
the robber that he got off the license. They arrested
the robber two hours later.

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" then his
partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. 

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it
over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the
would-be thief on the head,
knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. 

In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun but unfortunately he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

        Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken  McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 
      "We don't have half dozen nuggets", said the teenager at the counter. "You  don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I  can't order a half-dozen  nuggets, but I can order six?" 
  "That's right." The kid said. Shaking my head, I ordered six McNuggets.

I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.  I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.  After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.  Not finding the bar code she said to me  "Do you know how much this is?" to which I replied  "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today". She said "OK" and I paid her for my things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.....

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.  Do you need some help?"  I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries it's a long walk.

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
 ( It probably was a resume for the White House internship! )

 I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a  large motor home was
 towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair
 and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister". I asked
 the manager what had happened. He told me that the  driver had set the
"cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

 IDIOTS AT WORK... Sign in a gas station: Coke --
  49 cents. Two for a  dollar.

 IDIOTS & COMPUTERS 

My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank.
Employees in the field call him when they  have problems with their
computers. One night  he got a call from a woman  in one of the branch
banks who had this question:
 "I've got smoke coming  from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have
a  fire downtown?"

  IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE
 I was sitting in my  science class, when the  teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the  year. My lab partner became visibly excited,  cheering and clapping. I  explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time.
Needless to say, she  was very  disappointed.

  Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a  suspect by placing a
  metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy
  machine.
 The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier,  and police pressed
  the copy button each time they thought the suspect  wasn't telling the
 truth.  Believing the "lie detector" was working the suspect confessed.