Signs of Idiocy
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sear's hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
On Boot's CHILDREN'S Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
On Nytol SLEEP Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness."
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
Plumber:
"We repair what your husband Fixed."
Door of a plastic surgeons office:
"Hello, can we pick your nose?"
Sign at the psychic's Hotline:
"Don't call us, we'll call you."
On an Electricians truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
On a fence:
"Salesman Welcome, Dog food is expensive."
In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Drive carefully, we'll wait."
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
> > LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
At a Budapest zoo:
> > PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT
TO
> THE GUARD ON DUTY.
> >
> > Hotel, Acapulco:
> > THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
> >
> > Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
> > COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM,
> PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
> >
> > Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
> > WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM
> MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE
> HIM WITH VIGOR.
> >
> > Dry cleaner's, Bangkok:
> > DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
> >
> > Sign in men's rest room in Japan:
> > TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT.
> >
> > In a Nairobi restaurant:
> > CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
> >
> > On the grounds of a private school:
> > NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.
> >
> > On an Athi River highway:
> > TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
> >
> > On a poster at Kencom:
> > ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.
> >
> > In a City restaurant: (Must be in Arkansas):
> > OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
> >
> > One of the Mathare buildings:
> > MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.
> >
> > A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
> > DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.
> >
> > In a Pumwani maternity ward:
> > NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.
> >
> > In a cemetery:
> > PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN
> GRAVES.
> >
> > Sign in Japanese public bath:
> > FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.
> >
> > Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
> > GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN
> BED.
> >
> > On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
> > OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
> > > >
> > In a Tokyo bar:
> > SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
> >
> > In a Bangkok temple:
> > IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
> >
> > Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand:
> > PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM
> >
> > Hotel brochure, Italy:
> > THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE.
> > IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALLOVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS
SOLITUDE.
> >
> > Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
> > THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET
THAT
> YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.
> >
> > Hotel elevator, Paris:
> > PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.
> >
> > Hotel, Yugoslavia:
> > THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID
> >
> > Hotel, Japan:
> > YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
> >
> > Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
> > NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF
> ASCENSION.
> >
> > Supermarket, Hong Kong:
> > FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.
> >
> > >From the 'Soviet Weekly':
> > THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC
> PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.
> >
> > In an East African newspaper:
> > A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE
> THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.
> >
> > Hotel, Vienna:
> > IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.
> >
> > An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
> > TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
> >
> > Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
> > TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
> >
> > Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
> > WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
> >
> > In the window on a Swedish furrier:
> > FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.
> >
> > The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
> > GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
> >
> > In a Swiss mountain inn:
> > SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM.
> >
> > Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
> > WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
> >
> > A laundry in Rome:
> > LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE
> > AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Smokr's
Lounge 
